Fighting, moving, losses: how to talk with children about sharp changes in life

Sometimes we adults do not have time to react to that avalanche of events that falls upon us. And how our children experience changes? Is it worth talking to them about the special operation, loss of work, changing vacation plans? The psychologist argues.

It is possible and should talk about what are taking place and should, according to the positive psychologist Elina Vorontsova: “Ignoring important, relevant topics, you do not protect children from the news or your anxiety that hangs in the air”.

It remains only to decide – how to tell the children about this correctly, without injuring them? It all depends on what problems your family faced.

If you are affected by fighting

In this difficult situation, the main rule is not to be silent. If you are in the fighting zone, tell the child directly: “We are in a very difficult story. It’s like a complex quest, neither you nor me wanted it. But now like this. We will be together. I’ll definitely support you!”

If you see shock reactions, fading, apathy, if the child shudders with noise and sleeps poorly, then tell him that such reactions are normal and you are also scared. Try to gently touch on what he felt to find out what exactly was scared. You need to do this as soon as possible, before the child fell asleep after the traumatic event. Your empathy, hugs and willingness to listen can save it from post -traumatic stress disorder and many other problems.

Come up with a cool name for your gang. The more gaming elements will be in the picture, which is now before the eyes of the child, the easier his psyche will cope with what he saw.

If you are safe now, still do not hide from talking about what is happening. Say: “You and I are witnesses of a very terrible, gloomy and sad situation. There is no beauty and romance in it “. The child can feel his helplessness, and it will seem to be indifferent to what happened, but this is not so. Pay his attention to the fact that there are always things that he can control, there are close people to whom he can trust.

If you were forced to leave for another country

Of course, it is worth talking about the reasons for moving, but remember that your arguments can be completely unconvincing for the child. And this is his right.

Let him burn out his losses. Favorite room, toys, pets, friends, even weather – all this can be a reason for sadness. Discuss what your child is missing for, and why you are. Perhaps you both now understand the unexpected value of simple things. And this is an occasion to cry about what ended in order to smile and keep moments from the past in your heart.

Do not insist if you notice cases of sabotage and avoiding when meeting local cuisine and new people, studying a new language. There are a lot of longing and hope in these reactions. Perhaps the child is waiting for your family to return to your home soon, and in the new country you are not for long. Give the children time to adapt – each has their own rhythm.

If your family’s income has changed

If you have lost your job or income is pretty reduced, then this will affect the child. You can present a new situation as a challenge and offer your son or daughter together to plan expenses to meet the minimum amount.

Think about what you can do without, discuss this. Tell the child how in a student from one chicken you could cook seven dishes for a week, sewed a dress for a party from the curtain. These memories will become an invaluable experience in adaptation, will come across new non -trivial ideas.

A child can be shy of his inexpensive things, if more recently he wore clothes and used the gadgets of famous brands. In this case, it will be appropriate to talk about self -worth. Tell him what, no matter what mistakes we make and no matter how much money in our pocket, we are deeper, more important and cooler than the most fashionable sneakers.

Talk about what things are priority for you, what you are definitely not ready to save. For example, you can ask your daughter what is more important for her: continue to go to a figure skating section or go to a concert of your favorite group, buy cool jeans? Listen to each other, and you will find the most comfortable solution in harmony.

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